TKC EXCLUSIVE AND BREAKING NEWS!!! KANSAS CITY CELEBRATES THE 24TH ANNUAL TKC TURKEY AWARDS!!!

On this day for gratitude in Kansas City I am going to try and stay in a good mood. The best part of a TKC Thanksgiving will probably be walking down to QuikTrip in order to pick up a sandwich while contemplating clever new ways to insult people who hold elected office in this cowtown.

A couple of VERY WONDERFUL people have already invited TKC to Thanksgiving dinner. But I haven't taken a shower in like three days, yesterday I'm pretty sure I made a local hottie PR Girl cry when I called her boyfriend a douche AND my table manners are good but I've recently started wearing headphones while playing disco & classic hip-hop all the time so I don't have to listen to anybody else. Obviously, I'm not very good company.

Nevertheless, I have a great many things for which I am grateful. Sadly, because I'm a horrible person I'll probably just spend most of the day feeling bitter about the fact that Denise Milani or a reasonably close facsimile of the busty model isn't fixing me tortillas while butt naked or, at the very least, showing off a LOT of cleavage . . .



Anyhoo and accordingly . . . This morning . . .

LET'S GIVE THANKS FOR KANSAS CITY TURKEYS AND THEIR DUBIOUS CONTRIBUTION TO THE LOCAL QUOTIENT OF FAIL!!!

To wit . . . Here's my offering of Kansas City's biggest turkeys who have failed this cowtown all year long. Take a look:

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS COACH TODD "HOBO" HALEY DESERVES HIS TKC TURKEY AWARD ON HIS WAY OUT OF TOWN!!!



Coach Haley hasn't even lived up to the Herm Edwards Administration. He's inept in every aspect of coaching professional football but still seemingly clings to a sense of entitlement and completely undeserved arrogance. Hobo Haley is likely the biggest turkey in Kansas City sports right now.

KANSAS CITY POLITICO TURKEY PRIZE: MAYOR PRO TEM CINDY CIRCO!!!



She's basking (basting?) in so much political glory (because she survived the Funky Administration) that Council Lady Circo has completely forgotten about most of her constituents. Nowadays, she's mostly a tool for this town's elite. On the bright side, maybe this VERY IMPORTANT TKC TURKEY AWARD might remind her that recently divorced hotties are supposed to "spread the love" around.

THERE'S NEARLY ENOUGH TIME TO COOK A TURKEY DAY MEAL WHILE WAITING FOR HELP IN THIS COWTOWN GIVEN THE CRAPPY KANSAS CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT NORTHLAND AMBULANCE SERVICE RESPONSE TIMES!!!



I guess we should be thankful that Local 42 leaders basically run this town's politics. Their most recent legacy . . . Ambulance Service for The Northland (the only part of Kansas City that's growing) is in the toilet. The MAST merger was a total turkey and this bit of Kansas City political fail could very well cost lives. Choke that one down while celebrating recent political victories.

THE P&L DISTRICT IS ONE OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE TURKEYS IN KANSAS CITY ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT HISTORY!!!



The so-called Downtown Renaissance has mostly failed. The P&L District was supposed to be the centerpiece of so much economic activity, now it's just a place for horrible people with bad style. LET'S NOT FORGET THAT THE TKC P&L DISTRICT BOYCOTT IS STILL IN EFFECT!!! So far, most of the news from this place is related to failed biz closing doors. Damn.

EVERY DAY IS TURKEY DAY AT CITY HALL!!!



So much hope for change after recent elections has quickly turned into business as usual in a matter of months.

MAYOR SLY'S SON KYLE JAMES IS INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY BUT A KANSAS CITY TURKEY NONETHELESS!!!



Who knows . . . He could have quite a career in rap music promotion with his homies but for the moment he's mostly famous for ALLEGEDLY punching some white broad right after he ALLEGEDLY told a police officer that he could get him canned . . . Very much like the cheap cranberry sauce that's always a TKC fave. While he has been relatively quiet for the moment, Kyle James still did enough damage to the Mayor's political reputation to earn a coveted TKC Turkey Award.

THE SMALL FLOCK OF OCCUPY KC TURKEYS DESERVE SOME KIND OF PRIZE DESPITE THEIR INABILITY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!



Camping, cute slogans and a bit of chanting isn't going to change the course of human history. Still, we must celebrate the effort of these protesters who have reportedly had a great deal of problems with booze, hookers and drugs during their ongoing gripe session.

LET'S BE THANKFUL THEY'RE FINALLY TAKING DOWN THE WEST EDGE REAL ESTATE TURKEY!!!



A turkey of a FAILED design by one of the world's greatest architects couldn't stand up to the ego of a rich local dude and the world economy in decline.

DO I GET A PRIZE FOR CORRECTLY GUESSING THAT THE EMPTY AND FAILED KC STRIP WAS NOTHING MORE THAN AN EXPENSIVE BIT OF LOCAL TURKEY BACON?!?!



This TKC TURKEY AWARD is dedicated to a bit of midtown mass transit THAT'S USUALLY COMPLETELY EMPTY and paid for with the help of a TAX FREE LOAN FROM KANSAS CITY!!!

A TKC TURKEY PRIZE IS THE ONLY REWARD FOR VOTING IN KANSAS CITY!!! MAYBE THAT'S WHY SO FEW PEOPLE BOTHER TO SHOW UP AT LOCAL POLLS!!!



At the end of the day and more than anyone else . . . Kansas City voters are responsible for this town's sad situation. Kansas City voters have elected and reelected so many turkeys based only on image and a basic misunderstanding about how local government works.

Every turkey of a tax increase meets with little opposition from local voters if the "right (rich & white) people" are supporting it.

And since there are so few Kansas City voters that means there's that much more shame/glory in this TKC TURKEY AWARD!!!

Enjoy it!!!

And I'm spent . . .

Hopefully, there WON'T be a Plaza Lighting Ceremony Riot and a need to update tonight . . .

Do your best to tolerate your relatives who are probably returning the favor while you read the Internets.

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING TKC READERS!!!