PUCK EXCLUSIVE!!! KANSAS CITY CO-MAYORS FUNKY AND SQUITIRO FIND A NEW FRIEND IN COUNCIL DUDE TERRY RILEY!!!

TKC NOTE: This could be one of the most informative and funniest posts from TKC Contributor Puck that I've ever read. Not only does Puck offer a great explanation of strange recent events at City Hall but also shares some insight into New Found Local Spring Time Love. Check it:

Love . . . Love Will Keep Us Together . . . For Now.

Puck is a very visual person. When he sat down to pen this little missive, the mental movies he created in his mind made him nauseous. Follow along, little readers, and bring your barf bags…

Terry Riley and Mayor Funky are in love. That's right, Spring is in the air and the Gruesome Twosome has become the Fearsome Threesome. It appears Funky (and by definition, Gloria, too) and Terry Riley have become joined at the proverbial hip. How is your French, dear readers? Can you say menage a vomit?

It's a tiny bit sweet, in the sickest of ways. Watch out you don't get diabetes from all the sugar they are sharing. They scratch each other's backs. Funk does those little things that matter to Terry . . . he gives Terry the plum Transportation and Infrastructure committee chairmanship, allowing Terry to dole out favors (contracts) to his dwindling number of friends. Terry whispers sweet nothings into Funk's ears . . . such as "Yes, my dearest, I'll vote for Schools First if you just give me CIMO." And then they might take turns rubbing Gloria's feet. It's a love fest to be sure.

It's easy to see the attraction. Terry can usually deliver five votes: The five imbecilic council members who almost always follow him, as in Ford, Curls, Sanders-Brooks, Jolly, and Sharp. Terry will push things through his T&I Committee, where he lords over Jolly and Curls, ensuring a three-vote majority on even the most stupid of ordinances (such as Schools First). Terry bullies and threatens the folks that oppose him. He is like a Pet Thug . . . pull him out and he'll beat people up.

The relationship, dear readers, is easy to appreciate from Funk's side as well. Funk now has a go-to heavy to ram through his sophomoric Schools First initiative. Terry will probably play nice with Funk to keep his T&I chairmanship. Funk can count on six votes. Funk gets to dominate on issues that are dead locked, giving himself a sense of masculinity that previously belonged only to Gloria. By switch-hitting, Funk has become a man again. Who'd have thunk?

Think of the compelling cocktail conversations, dearest readers. Since both Riley and the Funks have huge mortgages on their homes, they might chit chat about being upside down in a poor real estate market. Since both are scrambling for election wins, they can compare fundraising notes (neither looks promising; Riley has not filed any financials yet for his JACO race, and only had $3,291 on hand from his former council treasury. We all know how Funk is doing in this department). Coffee klatch conversation is surely scintillating. Add cucumber sandwiches and clotted cream and scones, and the trio have their own Tea Party.

Can you feel the love, readers? Watch for more apparent signs of affection to come this week in the forms of the re-re-introduced CIMO, Schools First, and goodness knows what else. It's enough to give Puck the vapors. Puck hopes it's enough to get voters to the polls . . . Terry's race is in August, as will be the Schools First vote. Both should go down in flames. It's up to you, readers . . . it's all up to you.