I beat the shit out of Professor Mirecki

Here's how it went down: I jumped it my time-machine/alien spacecraft and went back in time to the rural Kansas road where Mirecki said he was driving. As always, Jesus was my co-pilot. Buddha was there as well, but he didn't take part. He just likes to come along for the ride and I told him we'd stop on the way back at a Chinese buffet.

So, Buddha, Jesus and I are all pretty mad that Mirecki's story is obviously fake but people are still vigorously debating the issue along the same political and ideological lines of the useless ID debate that incited the whole thing. So we go back in time in my alien mothership and we see Mirecki pouting in his car.

"Why are people being so mean to me," he cried. "Why can't I control public opinion just as easily as I manipulate the kids in my class?! Oh, why don't they love me because I'm so much smarter than they are . . . It's not like I entered this mean-spirited and cruel debate of my own accord. Oh yeah, I did but still!!!"

Of course he gets out of his car to see what's going on as I fly past because my alien spacecraft is cool like that AND it's the only reasonable explanation why anybody would get out of a car to confront a passerby in the middle of nowhere and nearly in the middle of the dark. Well, we see his nerdy ass and don't see anybody else around. The Big JC goes to work. Damn, that guy can swing a metal pipe like nobody's business. He says he's training for Rapture. After the deed is done, Buddha tells us to lay off and we hop back in my alien spacecraft. We drive away and play "Rock Steady" by the The Whispers on my stereo system.

Now this explanation should make everybody happy because it provides a clear, reasonable explanation of what happened and in the end Jesus was victorious.