Larry Johnson = Homo?

First of all I’d like to start this post by noting that the homosexuals are the one of the few interesting things about KC. I’m not gonna turn this blog into “Andrew Dice Clay Jr. spouts off.” I’m sure it’s still offensive but I know that many queens will understand when I write that I’m cool with homosexuals but gay fags get on my nerves. Of course, it has been run into the ground but Seinfeld got it right when he said, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” (And besides, everything on this blog is pretty much a joke anyway)

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way . . .

Is it me or did a recent article about Larry Johnson in The Pitch seems like a gay love letter and unintentionally "out" the Chief’s running back? Obviously, The Pitch is the number one source in this town for info about gay nightlife, escort services and futons. They ought to know, right?

Let me give you my reasons for asking the question.

First of all, there are all those homoerotic pictures of him giving a creepy come hither look to the camera. He’s all beefy and shirtless with this strange look on his face. Hopefully, I’ll never have to endure prison rape but I imagine that it looks something like that series of photos.

Secondly, the article does a great job in documenting his problems with women. The author (Kendrick Blackwood) seems to get Johnson to open up (ewww!) and gets what should be the quote of the year from any Chiefs player:

"My reputation is I'm crazy. I beat women. I carry a lot of guns," Johnson says. He doesn't argue some of those points. "Everybody's crazy to a point," he says. "I am crazy to a point."

Wow! Doesn’t that line encourage you to take your family to the game? What an inspiring image to convey to the millions of Chiefs fans. That quote really makes me want to hand over my tax dollars to a team full of gun carrying, “bi-polar” thugs who callously beat their ex-girlfriends as a warm-up for game day. But I digress . . .

And what’s with the guns? Throughout history projectile weapons have been noted as nothing more than phallic symbols. And throwing around women . . . Clearly, it seems like he’s compensating for something.

Also, the guy seems to be very fond of hanging out in bars. The article describes his journey from club to club and it seems as if this is the textbook definition of what some pillow biters might call “cruising.” It’s why I’ve never been very fond of bars. If you look around at all the painted women and fancy looking dudes slathered in hair products and cheap perfumes, you can tell that ass sex is a viable option for so many people carelessly drinking their lives away.

But here’s the money quote:

Johnson is joined at the bar by Sean Deaver, a school friend of Chiefs return man Dante Hall. The men don't seem surprised to see each other.

Deaver jokes that he calls Johnson "King Pink" because of his attraction to white women.

King Pink? King Pink?!!!?!?!?!!!

Sure. That’s a reference to white women? Right!!!! I’m sure you’re all familiar with the frightening story of “Down Low” Black men but that quote almost reads like a hint. Remember Reservoir Dogs where Mr. Pink eschews his moniker. “Why am I Mr. Pink?” To which the crime boss Joe replies: “Cause you're a faggot, all right?”

Anyway, I think I’ve made a good case here but I’m not gonna make any proclamations because the Chiefs are prone to violence, they are millionaires with great lawyers and I’m sure they all could beat me with as much ease as they strike their girlfriends. I’m only raising the question. Answer it for yourself while you’re at Arrowhead . . . paying $30 for parking and $9 for a beer.